" If love means that one person absorbs the other, then no real relationship exists any more. Love evaporates; there is nothing left to love. The integrity of self is gone. "
- Ann Oakley

In this quote, Ann Oakley suggests that true love involves respecting each person's independence rather than one individual completely absorbing or dominating the other. When a relationship becomes unbalanced and one partner loses their sense of self by fully conforming to the expectations or desires of the other, there is little left for either party to genuinely connect with emotionally. This can lead to feelings of emptiness and a lack of mutual respect.

At its core, Oakley’s statement highlights the importance of maintaining individual identity within a relationship while still fostering deep connections and support between partners. Love that thrives encourages both individuals to grow independently as well as together, ensuring a balance where each person remains true to themselves while also contributing positively to their partnership. A healthy relationship requires mutual respect, understanding, and appreciation for the unique qualities of each partner, allowing both people to maintain their personal integrity and sense of self.

Ann Oakley is an esteemed sociologist known for her extensive research on family dynamics and gender roles. Her insights into relationships, as expressed in this quote, reflect a broader body of work that explores how social structures influence individual experiences within families and intimate partnerships.