Tom Segura : (2)

" People will say, ‘What’s your favorite part of Cincinnati?’ I’m like, ‘I was nine, man. I liked recess and having snacks. I didn’t go anywhere. I was a kid.’ " - Tom Segura

" I don’t want to lose weight to live long or be healthy. I just want to be able to make fun of fat people again and know for sure that they’re fatter than me. " - Tom Segura